IF I can say I absolutely believe in anything theory wise, it’s that “your focus is your reality” – from one of the star wars movies. It was a Jedi in any case, the one that found Darth as a kid or Anakin. Back to my point, my focus indeed is my reality these days. Perhaps due to some major mental house cleaning, pruning back thoughts and ideas that have nothing to do with what is in front of me currently. Note- I don’t say meaningful, just not thinking about things that have nothing to do with the Now, or that Present Moment. It doesn’t mean like I once would have imagined, some weird anti climactic idleness or lack of direction. Rather it is a sharpening of focus. I am still open minded, I am aware that my Higher Self has my conscious permission to get my damn attention by any means necessary. (Suggested in Sonia Choquette’s awesome workbook, Your Hearts Desire.) But I am not being a control freak about addressing everything my mind spits out at me, alot of it has nothing to do with now. In fact most of what we are upset about has nothing to do with Reality. A Course in Miracles is an amazing tool for personal growth. There is a lesson where you repeat that -" I am never upset for the resons I think I am." it really helps you stop making some things more reason to be upset over than others, its all the same, let it all go. Most of us have so much clogging our subconcious that are just acting out all the time, those soundless voices of old outmoded conditioning and bad habits playing out following the easiest rout to do so. For me its verbal. So for me choosing above all the NOW helps me to decicivly iliminate thoughts that aren't Spirit focused or at least bettering the moment.
The subconscious self is so very literal that any ‘I AM’ thoughts can be very life changing…especially if the negative low vibe loop tape has been running on repeat for a while…we all have those moments. Then you catch yourself and pull up! That was today. Reminding myself this morning as I struggled to keep a grip on a runaway temper, some subconscious ‘poor me’ was leaking out. Or in Tolle language, my Pain Body was in the front seat running things. NOT PLEASANT!
I finally heard myself and what I was saying and how I was behaving, short, frustrated, irritable..Come to mind. And my kids needed time and attention, but my computer illiteracy had caught up with me, and the brick wall I had hit seemed like such a big deal in that moment. However when we all bundled up, me, 4yr old, 6mth old, and Doberman to go for a walk in the spring sun, sanity reasserted itself. And I opened up to the wisdom held by my Silent Self (3rd of the archetypes on the Tree of Life also known traditionally as Binah) and had a good eye opener. I needed to just find silence. The ultimate discipline for me. Mental and emotional silence for a time. Despite what ever craziness was ensuing at my feet. To just pull up my big girl panties and just DO IT DAMN IT. Both kids are napping now, and I am actually at peace with my journey into my Silent Self. The Great Mother above the abyss. Trust. Faith, in listening to the wisdom I am constantly begging to walk with, that is coming in all the time. There is no such thing as time, every thing is really just fine the way it is. I don’t need to want to change the moment to suit myself. If I release that vice grip on my life’s steering wheel for second and stretch my fingers, I can see and feel how tightly I am clinging to everything. Only through the exhale or release can you see the strength of what you were holding on to. And for no good reason. Just habit, which is what exploring the subconscious overall this week has been about. Seeing how my inner machinery is functioning. Today’s Oracling session didn’t happen after a lovely meditation, or even now, while the kids are sleeping which is really the perfect time. The illuminated moment came during a fit by the baby a dog over zealously dragging the leash to smell everything, and a 4yr old who has the energy of a football team freaking out to just find our rhythm on the walk. We did find it though, we did return to balance, and it was done with love and forgiveness and learning. What more can I ask for? There really is no point demanding a cure from the Universe when all you really desire is relief. Face it and let that life task or Karma work itself out, finally allowing light to shine out from that former dark hole in your soul. We are all souls on a journey of filling those holes, so that we can one day know how it feels to be whole. Isn’t there a Beatles song? Fixing a hole where the rain gets in, to keep my mind from wandering...where it will go….where it will go…
So for now, with me and parenthoods usual gripes, mum’s the word.
And as for the web site, the fan page and the finishing of the workbook, it will be what it will be, Ce sera sera, what ever will be will be...
Made these Reiki Room Re-Energizers as I call them the other day, man what a good vibe, I think I will go hold one and finish the right of passage today has held.
0 comments:
Post a Comment